When a detective starts to forget
by PhoebeGilmore
Summary: L starts to forget a certain someone... he writes down what he went through with that person. LXLight ONESHOT


**AN:** Behold, it's my first Death Note fic! I really like it. I hope you do too.

**When a detective starts to forget**

I don't remember when it was exactly that I started feeling more for him. And that is strange. I usually remember everything. I can name the smallest details of a piece of art after only looking at it once. But with him everything is different. The experiences are all melted into one, and I'm beginning to forget. That's why I'm writing this down. I don't want to forget, and I want to forget. For once in my life things don't make sense. I don't know why I want to remember this, and I don't know why I want to forget. Maybe I'll find out on the way. But for now this is merely a recollection of the case that changed my life.

Every case I've started on was solved. And to be honest, I'm picky when it comes to cases. It's not every case that I take. I need to be interested. Sure it helps if there is a lot of money involved or if many people have died. But that isn't all. I need a challenge, I need someone who is smart. I need someone to test me.

In my life there are only two cases that almost weren't solved. The Kira case and the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases. Those two cases were probably the most interesting cases I ever solved. But those are both in the past now. And I shouldn't start on B, I remember him. I could never forget that imposter. But how is it that I can forget him?

I remember when I first heard of the case. At first I wasn't intrigued, but when I found out how many criminals died he had me. I contacted the ICPO and soon I ran the investigation. I vaguely remember the first time I laid eyes on him. There was something about him. He was a perfect student with perfect scores. In fact, from the moment I saw him I knew he was Kira. But just me knowing wouldn't be enough, it never was. I almost always know who is the killer by just looking at him. And I'm never wrong. But it isn't enough. I need evidence.

It wasn't long before I had the suspects narrowed down. And I could start the video surveillance.

People always think I am unpredictable, they think I solve all my cases differently. But to be honest, I always follow the same pattern. Once I know who the killer is I put him under surveillance. That works most of the time.

Maybe it was during that surveillance that I began to feel more for him. But I don't know. I remember one night, he was studying. I knew that he was doing something, I knew that he was hiding something for me. I began to respect him at that moment. He could hide what he was doing from me. Even though he was a serial killer I respected him.

I was happy when I joined his college. I really liked when we played tennis. Maybe it was then that I started to feel more, I just can't seem to remember. I just know it happened.

I remember when his father was in the hospital. I was there, sitting next to him. He looked so human back then. For the first time I didn't see a serial killer, but an actual human being. I think that that was the moment I started feeling more for him. But I'm not sure. I hate not remembering. It makes me feel so stupid.

He joined our team, looking for himself and the second Kira. Things started to heat up between us, I could feel it. I could read it in his eyes.

Many believe I have no people skills, because I never go out. But to tell the truth, I have great people skills. I know that by acting the way I am I create a lot of enemies, but it also pushes people to solve a case. And I can read people, even by just hearing their voice. I used to observe people a lot when I was younger. I noticed little things, like the glint of an eye. And I learned their meaning. I was hardly ever wrong on how someone felt. That's why I knew I was right about his feelings. But I didn't want to make the first move. I couldn't, he was Kira after all.

A week went by and neither of us made a move. Sure we were flirting, but nothing more. Everyone had left and it was just me and him. It wasn't unusual for us to be left together at the end of the day. We were most driven to capture Kira. Or at least I was. He was most driven to stop me.

Then all of a sudden he kissed me. I was surprised, but replied. We started going out that night. When we were together nothing mattered. He knew I knew he was Kira, and I knew that he knew. But that didn't matter, not to us. We both were aware of the fact that I couldn't stop him without evidence, and both of us hoped I wouldn't find any.

But I didn't stop searching. I couldn't stop. I had to stop these killings. Just as he couldn't stop killing. We both had our visions of a better world, and we couldn't betray them. But at night that would change. We would just be two men in love. There would be no Kira, no case, no accusations. We could just be ourselves. It was the most wonderful time of my life.

But the case went on and I captured the second Kira, Amane Misa. Not long after her capture he insisted on being locked up as well. Seven days after his capture he changed. I could see it in his eyes. They no longer were the eyes of a killer. It was like he had forgotten. 43 days later I released him. And then the best moment came, we were chained together, we had to be together 24 hours a day. But it wasn't the same, he wasn't the person he was before the capture.

Nonetheless we went out to find the new Kira. It wasn't very hard, he wasn't very bright. I learned how he killed and he gained his memory. His eyes changed back to those of a killer. I was happy and sad at the same time. He was back to his old self, the person I cared for, maybe even loved. No, I definitely loved him. But I was also sad. I had to stop him. And I didn't want that.

I remember the night we first made love. He told me I was his first. And I told him I loved him. I remember my exact words.

"I love you. It doesn't matter that you're Kira, I can't stop these feelings."

And he told me he loved me as well. Afterwards we were quiet.

Many more nights like that one followed. Those nights were always spend in silence. We both knew the end was coming closer. He wouldn't last much longer. We didn't want it to end, but we had no choice. We couldn't stop being ourselves.

I didn't need to find evidence, he gave it to me. He confessed. We were alone in a room. He knew everything was being taped. And he said it. His words echo through my head every day.

"L, I'm sorry. I can't do this any longer. We both know that we can't stop being ourselves. And being with you is painful. Because I don't want to leave you, but lying to you hurts also." He shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Please don't say it." I placed a hand on his knee.

"I'm sorry, L. I'm Kira." A tear slid down his face.

I wiped away the tear with the back of my hand. I now had the evidence I needed, and he didn't have to lie to me anymore.

That night was the last time we made love. We didn't make any sounds, we just enjoyed each other's presence, knowing it would be the last time.

The next morning I handed him in. We were both crying inside. His father was devastated. He had always been convinced of his son's innocence. He killed himself that night. He couldn't take it. 1

I made sure he never heard of his father's death. I didn't want him to suffer anymore. It was already decided what his punishment would be before the court had started. He would be put to death. I was in the room that day. He saw me. No one else knew who I was. That was the last time he saw me.

I was there the day he died. I stood behind the glass, he couldn't see me. But I was sure he knew I was there. I saw a small smile on his face. They thought it was because of what he had done, but I knew it was for me.

I watched as his murderer's eyes turned blank, his life leaving him. I didn't cry, not then. I went to my room and sank into the bed crying. I listened to the song he gave me. Just before I turned him in he gave me a CD. It had one song on it. Inside the CD was a note.

_Dear L,_

_I'm sorry. Please listen to this sing every time you miss me._

_I love you._

It was short, but that was all right. We never needed many words anyway.

I still listen to that song every night. It reminds me of him. He was right in picking it. And even though I'm a rational man, I hope there is an afterlife. And I hope we will see each other again.

I end this story with the following words. It will be the last time I will write his name. After this I will never write nor speak it. I hope that that way it will never leave my memories.

_Light, I love you._

The end.

**End note**

1 I always thought he would kill himself if he found out… don't know why though.

If anyone wondered what song it was, it's _It will be me_ by _ Melissa Etheridge_. I listened to it the entire time I wrote this.

If you review you get cyber sweets!! So please make me happy and review… please?


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